your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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