i used baking grease as lip gloss
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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