This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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