If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
