Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
