WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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