Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
