when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You have to summon your inner elephant
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
