Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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