she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
