He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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