she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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