her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
