glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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