Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just had sex bonerless
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
