getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
