why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
