Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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