I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
