there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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