Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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