wanna go halves on a baby?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
