Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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