Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mom said you looked used
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
