I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
