If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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