I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize