The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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