we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
