So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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