I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
