Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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