I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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