I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
