You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
