he wants to bone in the snuggie
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
