In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
