I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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