The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
