dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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