Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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