I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
