i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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