she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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