just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
