i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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