im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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