I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
