so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
