also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
